Once again I find myself in a battle of wills. Somewhat like that which I experienced with Giant guy. My nemesis in the library. Who had the uncanny ability to always sit in my study area and then to proceed to be loud.
Sit loud. Walk loud. Shuffle papers loud. Throw his highlighters loud. Pick them up throw them down again loud. Rearrange them.
Rinse. Repeat.
I never did pluck up the courage to say, ‘Giant guy for the love of God have mercy and stop breaking my sanity.’ No. Instead I found a secret room to study in.
Only to one day find that giant guy also ‘discovered’ the secret room. And that was the end of on campus studying.
This battle is a little different. Its one I knowingly threw myself into. Knowing that it would be a long uphill struggle. One that I chose to face. One requiring a good deal of self sacrifice. One taking everything out of me and then coming back to demand some more. A face constantly full of dirt and hands stuck with thorns.
Enter the real Giant Guy: med school.
Although some twist of fate involving my 5 year old self’s meeting one fantastic pediatrician, a consequent purchase of a fisher price stethoscope and an inspiration has brought me here, some days I do wonder if I’ll make it in one piece to the other side.
Granted I’ve got all my highlighters in a row. And the papers have thus far been shuffling in all the right ways. I do wonder when a 4.30 alarm will make me throw my shoe sized ‘phone’ across the room. When one more picture of a goiter will send me screaming out of the lecture hall. When I just won’t care what the gram stain of staph. aureaus is...err...wait too late on that one.
Frustration and some serious exam induced PTSD aside, I’m going to plug on. The dream is there. The will is there. The middle bit full of torturous grueling labor is all that’s left to fill in. That’s all.
And the days that it gets really rough. There’s always Grey’s to bring the inspiration back.
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