Day 121-128: G.I Jane

G.I Jane is that resident who is in a word, "hardcore". This is either a co-intern or senior resident who is always moving, speaking, working as though we are in an army drill exercise. They bark orders at their colleagues, and march systematically on the floors always with purpose and power followed by a sound track of war music. Most likely under their white coat there is an armed forces issue uniform.

And lest you not meet their expectations, and are caught smiling or enjoying your day- you are pushed out into the pouring rain and forced to run laps and do push ups. Ok, at least some medical task equivalent of physical exertion.

This person makes you dread coming across them; eventually, you find yourself acting extremely busy and absorbed every time they stomp around a corner toward you.

I have not yet figured out how to deal with the G.I Jane resident. I always end up feeling like Ben Stiller vs. Sean Connery.

Day 120: Mayhem

I used to watch those Allstate commercials with Mayhem on t.v and think, "wow, this is ridiculous." I have recently come to the realization that I am Mayhem.

This morning while backing out of my parking spot in the underground garage of my apartment I "nudged" another parked car. I left behind some silver paint and left with raised bump. If anyone views the security footage they will see me stop abruptly, sit shocked with my eyes as wide as saucers, then spaz out and jump out of the car to assess the damage. Subsequently, I held my head in my hands while I tried to figure out how to let the car owner know it was me.

This would be the second time I've done something like this. Mayhem.

Mayhem, decided to leave her name and number with the front desk in case the red car owner wants to kick her butt.

Day 113-119: Multitasking Success

I often put friends and family on speaker phone while I attempt to do several other things at the same time, usually this leads to small scale failures and a lot of burnt food.

Me: blah blah blah...(puts brother on speaker phone and starts multitasking).

Brother: Why does it sound like you're in a cave.

Me: Hmmph? Cawe? Wah cawe?

Brother: What are you doing?

Me: Flossing my teeth, while I talk to you.

Brother: This is something Liz Lemon would do.

Me: I fink thif if working ouf well.

Day 108-112: The Fleece Sloth

Hello readers,

I have become very lazy about writing. Actually, I've become very lazy about everything once I step out of the hospital. So, I apologize for the paucity of entertainment in my writing and what appears to be a complete lack of luster.

I've begun to fell like the passion is sucked out of me every day at the hospital, so by the time I come home I am reduced to trying to get through those basic activities that I need to do to stay alive. Such as eating, sleeping and of course laying on the couch with my fleece blanket and watching t.v.

I have been known to hate on Snuggies, especially that Snug-a-rena commercial. I have a confession: I am a hypocrite. I have a pseudo-snuggie. Basically, 90% of the time I am at home I am wrapped up in my brown fleece blanket, this in turn limits my activity level to that of a slot - sitting/laying/lounging on the couch. I wonder if I had arm holes in the blanket I would actually accomplish more, as my mobility would be increased. Like maybe I could actually hold my reference books and read some medicine, if I wasn't so reluctant to expose my arm to the frigid environment in my apartment.

My options at this time are to:
Bite the bullet and by a Snuggie; or start wearing leg warmers on my arms when they are outside the Snuggie; or figure out how to turn the heat on in my apartment.

Side note, occasionally I have tucked my pants into my socks because I have been so cold. Yes, I said that.

Day 101-107: Things Learned

I have discovered the key to having a conversation with a stranger at work. I am sure that regardless of the place in which you work, even if it is not a hospital where everyone hates the world, this magical tip will have you wishing to hit people across the head much less than previously.

Use their name when you speak to them.

I have found that when I need to call a fellow or a pharmacist or some random person from the company that supplies glucometers, they greet you in a way that includes their name. If you pick up on this and use their name, even if it is only once, while speaking to them, they instantaneously become nicer and try a little harder to help.

This also works with the impenetrable fortress of walled of nurse feelings. If you sneak a peek at their name tag and use it - miracles can happen.

I don't hate people as much at the end of the day thanks to this little tip. You're welcome.

Day 100: One Hundred

It's day 100 bitches.

And I am still going, and still semi-human and still getting at least 1.5 meals and 5 hours minimum of sleep daily. And only a mean jerk 40% of the time.

WHOO!!!

Day 97-99: Godzilla

Lately, there are many things that make me feel like Godzilla - the giant perpetually enraged ape.

Yup, I said it.

The biggest instigator of these Godzilla type enraged feelings - 4:30 A.M. Waking up that early makes me want to rip a building in half and then eat a piece of it; these feelings are short lived and soon overcome by a desperate effort to remain awake enough to efficiently get ready for work, without falling asleep at the sink.

Other igniting factors - the entire emergency department and their poor decision making skills and tendency to send giant batches of patients to the floor all at once; rude people; and the idea of living in Cleveland for another 2 and 3/4 years.

Day 95-96: Poetry is Lovely Part II

Maybe I'm losing the happy shiney a little, but I like this:

Invictus
By Willam Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

Day 89-94: Broken Hearts

I have the tendency to feel heart broken over the lives of my patients. Their poverty, their illness, their humiliation - if I am not careful weigh me down and eventually by the end of the day I've accumulated so much grief my chest is heavy with the burden.

And so, I have found I have begun removing myself emotionally from the stories I hear. Refusing to acknowledge the sad thoughts creeping into the fringes of my mind, extricating feelings from the rational judgments required of me.

Unfortunately, this has led me to question my long standing ambition to join Doctors Without Borders after completing residency. I am not sure the impact of the experiences would be reparable. I assume it would be much like returning home after experiencing the gruelling realities of war. And the things I would see would haunt me for the rest of my life.

But if we were all to think this way, no one would set off to the forgotten corners of the world to make the problems of the people over there our own.

I recently read a speech by J.K Rowling, the romanticism of which only confused me further; she says, "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."

To be continued.