Hello Cleveland!

Once in grade 4 I earned myself ‘FREE TIME’. Unfortunately, no one else in the class had free time at that highly scheduled moment. And so I elected to go out on the playground alone. This opportunity brought considerable elation. Normally at recess and lunch hour the playground was overrun with lawless children. The line for the swings and slides was far too long and there was a good deal of shoving. Once in fact, I was minding my own business and walking at what I had assumed was a safe distance from the swings. A pair of sneakers came flying into my back and sent me soaring across the soccer field. I had dared to walk too close to a high swinging 6th grader.

Shit.

As I recall, I flew pretty damn high and fell much like a rag doll and my friends came rushing over to see if I was still alive. I think I got over the shock and just stood and finished my granola bar.

Anyway, so now I had full run of the playground. YES. So I decided to begin with the monkey bars, I already had become an expert at monkeying around on them. I had calluses to prove it. So what happened next was a big surprise, as I had had faith in my skills.

My hands slipped off the bars and I fell flat on my back on the mulch. I was alone, lying on my back, not even sure if I still had an intact spine. So I lay there, wondering if anyone would come find me. A couple of minutes later I realized I was perfectly fine and got back up and switched to the swings instead.

I feel like this experience instilled a hidden insecurity within me, pertaining specifically to solitary adventure.

I am remembering all of this now as I plan to move to Cleveland, where I will know hardly anyone and will live alone. For the first time: no roommates and no family; living completely alone. So if I fell off the monkey bars I would lie there once again with no one aware of what had happened to me.

Granted sooner rather than later I would begin getting phone calls and people would get worried if I didn’t answer. But that security of a friend running up, moments after you fall or are thrown across the playground would be missing. I’m sure I will be just fine and I’ll move on to the next thing regardless of what happens. But that little fuzzy memory does occasionally put out a claw to tug on some strings.