It was one of those days. A day when I felt like the proverbial cat with its fur rubbed the wrong way. A feeling like my hair had been backcombed and my clothing were stuck with static. As though my mind had been shaken and stirred and left a mess. Flustered.
Mentally and physically unsettled.
I needed a walk. I needed to go somewhere where I didn’t recognize anything or anyone, where I had no associations. To clear my head. To regain my peace. But since that wasn’t possible I came home and tried to shut out the world.
I sit at the table and I feel that I should study. I sit on the couch and I can see all the things that need to be done. I lie on the bed and I’m tempted to sleep.
I need to think. I need space. I need sanctuary.
‘If I lay here, If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world.’
An idea.
So I do it. I lie down on the floor.
I feel foolish. If anyone could see me they’d think it odd. But, no one can see me and I can’t see anything from down here either.
The floor is…well it’s the floor, it’s entirely neutral. It has no associations, it’s not reminding me of anything. It’s not telling me to get up and go. It’s not telling me to finish this or that. It just is. And at the moment - I just need to be. It seems like a good place to lie and clear things up.
It’s painful. My bones are pokey and the floor is cold. I can’t think and I’m very uncomfortable.
Wait. I can’t think. Brilliant. I’m beginning to see an inch. The chaos is becoming preoccupied with the discomfort. The pain gate theory has taken affect. One stimulus has been drowned out by a more immediate and dominant one. The inch has become a foot. The unsaid thoughts are drifting into corners and the swirling emotions have tied themselves up and are sitting, waiting to be untangled. It’s calmer.
Floor therapy is not so bad.
Somedays are like this, they just attack me. Sucker punching me and leaving me winded. But since I can’t pick a fight with my life I’ll settle for these small time outs while I contemplate how to befriend the bully.
3 comments:
Ok...so, here I am trying to decipher Dr. B's notes on who-knows-what when I desperately needed a break. After surfing through the routine websites, I found myself clicking on yours to see what's new. Then, I read this and was well amazed at the sheer literary excellence and genius of a Canadian, nay, an Indian writer. I must concur...the floor does seem to be a companion in a very peculiar way--nonjudging, a neutral party, there when you need it and not when you don't. So, keep up the good work!
wow. thank you. 'literary excellence and genius' is a bit of a stretch - but I am encouraged :) stay tuned for the next one i think you'll find it interesting as would dr.b.
Oh minky!
it will get better!
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