Sometimes I find myself wandering down a hospital hallway, glad I finished all of my paperwork and saw my patients on time. Hoping I’ll get another 20 minutes before I get called to do a consult on another patient; essentially, a relatively calm moment. Until, I turn the corner and walk into a wall of poop smell. It is literally a section of hallway that is filled with the smell of poop so strong that walking into it is as jarring as walking into a wall. It’s so awful you could potentially pass out, but you would be ill advised to do that because once you came to you would be surrounded by the smell and probably your nose would have some sort of 3rd degree burns. So, you should try to maintain consciousness and walk through it rapidly. You will get so confused by the assault to your senses that you won’t be able to tell the ceiling from the floor and will end up losing your way; thereby spending more time in the wall of poop smell.
I’ll save you any further trauma by foregoing the details of the wall of poop smell, and move on to telling you how to survive this. If you spend any amount of time in a hospital you will undoubtedly come across this foul experience. The trick is to just hold your breath through it and for a good minute and a half after. Then burn your clothes and smell some alcohol rubs and spend the next 5 minutes cursing and wondering why they don’t put up signs to warn you like they do for a wet floor.
A code brown is actually not what you may think. Grow up. It’s an alert for missing adult patients.
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